Ok, I have to confess something, I have a communication problem. Anyone who knows me probably knows what it is and if you don't you could just look into my high school yearbook and see I was voted "most talkative" in my class (true story). Not best personality, not most likely to succeed...most talkative. To temper this a little bit I am not one of those over the top people who are so talkative you don't want to be around them, I just am someone who is outgoing and rambles more than I should.
As I have got older I have come to find that when I right I am much less of a rambler because writing slows me down and allows me to think clearly and get my point across without all the extra junk. For example, a person could read this blog in a few minutes, but if they were sitting with me it would probably be a 15 minute conversation. Because of this I have used writing as my preferred method of important communication and have come to realize that communication can seem complex but it is stunningly simple. Every, time you open your mouth to speak or begin to write a sentence you are always only doing one of three things.
1) Conveying Information.
This is the most common thing you do and it is part of communication that I am terrible at it because ramblers like me share more information than is needed. My english teacher in high school was once asked how long the essay he assigned should be, he said "Anything you write should be like a skirt, long enough to cover the subject matter but short enough to keep it interesting". As Shakespeare said "brevity is the soul of whit". When conveying information keep it short, clear and concise. The listener usually only wants enough information and nothing more.
2) Requesting Information. (aka ask a question)
Questions are an art form that few people know how to use effectively (I am not great at it either) and much can be said about the many uses of questions. One of the most common mistakes people make when writing or speaking is not asking a question but conveying information and then being quiet and expecting a response. Women are notorious for this (though men certainly do it too). Imagine a girlfriend sitting at dinner with her boyfriend conveying information about her day then ending with the following.
"So then then my sister said how immature I was acting yesterday just because I would not drop what I was doing to help her with the kids....<pause awaiting response>"
Notice above no information or response was requested (it was merely implied that he was supposed to react to what she said with a response of his own). Now this is ok and people do communicate this way (especially women in a group). However, it can sometimes be confusing (especially for men) because they may not know how to respond or what the implied question is. The boyfriend might respond "Man, your sister is a total jerk", when really what she wants is validation that her actions were justified. Wouldn't is be simpler to simply add in a clear question at the end.
"So then then my sister said how immature I was acting yesterday just because I would not drop what I was doing to help her with the kids. Do you think that I was being immature?"
Simple requests for information from another person are polite and helpful to the listener as it clarifies the situation for them and directly communicates your desire for their participation. The norms of communication usually expect the listener to be polite to the a speaker should also be polite to the listener by being clear in their methods of communication. If you want a response from someone you can "What are your thoughts on XYZ? or "Do you think X is Y?" etc. Never leave a person guessing if you want a response or not. Implied communication is unclear, inefficient and can easily lead to miscommunication.
3) Issuing a Command
Some people are scared of the word "command", if thats the case call it a request. Essentially, you are asking someone to do something and are usually expected to do that in a very polite manner. So in conjunction with #2, there are two ways you can request information. You can either ask a question (What do you think Bob?) or you can issue a command (Bob, let me know what you think). Regardless, commands should be clear, polite and stated rather than implied.
For some reason people (including myself) have a tendency to want to spend all our time conveying information. However, we have to realize the listener only wants as much information as needed and they want to know what they need to do about it which comes from your question or a command. Usually miscommunications happen because people fail to issue clear commands or to ask clear questions.
A Simple Email Template.
I have found the following email format works really well for me in effectively and efficiently communicating with people.
Hello Bob < note: The email clearly is addressed to someone specifically>
Yesterday after the meeting Mark and I discussed the contract. He was concerned about the terms that included initial finance charges. I worry we might lose the deal if we try to charge him up front. <note: Paragraph 1 conveys information as clearly and to the point as possible>
Please let me know if I can waive the fee for him. <note: put the question or command in a separate line at the end>
- Jacob <note: I put my name...always include your name. Auto signatures are great>
Questions to ponder.
Do I issue clear commands/request?
Do I ask specific questions if something is unclear or if I want information from other person?
When do I usually imply commands or questions?, How can I avoid that?
Do I give just enough information as is needed, or do I give to much?
